رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
Rabbir hamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanee sagheera
“My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”
Surah Isra Ayat 24
Background Context
In the previous ayat, Allah gives a clear commandment and outlines the rights of parents over their children:
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Do not make [as equal] with Allah another deity and [thereby] become censured and forsaken.
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And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.
The Surah continues, “lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy” and encourages saying, “Rabbir hamhumaa kamaa rabbayaanee sagheera” – meaning, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.”
This is a simple yet profound du’a that asks Allah to bestow mercy upon our parents, just as they showed us mercy in our youth. None of us are perfect children; we have made mistakes and likely done many things to annoy our parents. Yet, they still loved us unconditionally, provided for our needs, and forgave our shortcomings.
This du’a is a heartfelt plea to Allah to grant our parents the same compassion they showered upon us.
In Sahih Muslim 1631, Abu Huraira (ra) reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: “When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three: recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son who prays for him (for the deceased).”
One of the most meaningful ways to honor our parents is to continually remember them in our prayers.
As parents, we have a duty to do right by our children: to love them, give them attention, and raise them in accordance with Islamic teachings. Inevitably, there will come a time when the child yearns to reciprocate the unconditional love and sacrifices of their parents. In a sense, the roles reverse – the child, now an adult, takes on the responsibility of caring for and benefiting their parents in their old age, and even after their passing.
As a family unit, our goal should be to support one another, easing the burdens of life for each other. We should avoid nagging, disrespect, or creating a hostile environment that no one looks forward to returning to.
Instead of fixating on what we expect from others, we should reflect on how we can be the best spouse, parent, sibling, or child. What would that look like in practice? What actions should someone with that title hold themselves accountable for?
No matter how hard we try, we cannot change another person’s behavior. We should start by raising our own standards and leading by example, without expecting anything in return. If we consistently give our best, others will eventually be influenced. Respect, when sincerely given, is often reciprocated.
The Qur’an and Hadith
In Sunan an-Nasa’i 2545, it was narrated from Abu Mas’ud that the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “When a man spends on his family, seeking reward for that, that is an act of charity on his part.”
In Sunan an-Nasa’i 3104, it was narrated from Mu’awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami that Jahimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice.” The Prophet (ﷺ) replied: “Do you have a mother?” Jahimah said: “Yes.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.”
In the Qur’an, Allah says: “And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship” (46:15).
Another verse in the Qur’an, often referenced by parents, states: “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” (17:23)
Ahmad recorded that a man from Banu Yarbu` said: “I came to the Prophet (ﷺ) while he was talking to the people, and I heard him saying, ‘The hand of the one who gives is superior. [Give to] your mother and your father, your sister and your brother, then the closest and next closest.’” (from tafsir by Ibn Kathir)
We should take the time to study the importance of maintaining and nurturing the family unit in Islam. The Qur’an places great emphasis on this and promises reward to those who actively strive to strengthen family bonds: “Gardens of perpetual residence; they will enter them with whoever were righteous among their fathers, their spouses, and their descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying], “Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured. And excellent is the final home.” (13:22-23)
Conversely, the Qur’an warns of the consequences for those who deny or neglect these duties: “Obedience and good words. And when the matter [of fighting] was determined, if they had been true to Allah, it would have been better for them. So would you perhaps, if you turned away, cause corruption on earth and sever your [ties of] relationship?” (47:21-22)
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