I have never aspired to be a Muslim, I don’t even want to be a Christian anymore.
To me, “institutionalized religion” is an insipid concept, and I have always wanted to find the true meaning of life through my own efforts and will, not through some ancient classic or book.
If someone were to offer me a million dollars to convert to a particular religion, I would flatly refuse.
Once upon a time, I was a big fan of the work of author Bertrand Russell, who believed that religion was nothing more than a superstition, stating that while it did have some benefits, religion itself was harmful. He strongly believed that religion and related religious ideas suppress the development and spread of knowledge, deepen people’s fear and dependence on religion, and that religion is the source of many of the world’s wars, persecutions, and tribulations.
I remember laughing out loud when I read Dr. Pasqual Schievella’s book, “Is That Your God”, in which Dr. Pasqual describes in a satirical way his view of “God” or “Creator”. “Creator”. At the time, I felt that his writing was quite reasonable, and I thought triumphantly that those of us who call ourselves “thinkers” would surely have to express our disdain for any religion.
For me, however, although I felt that I could get along very well without any religion, I was not satisfied with that idea, and I wanted to prove further that religion was nothing but some kind of illusory mischief, and all I had done was to prove it.
But now I was a Muslim.
I did recite the testimony, but I chose to convert to Islam only because I was desperate and I had no other choice. I, in short, was forced to convert to Islam.
Interestingly, whenever I talk to non-Muslims about their own religions, I always find that they are so desperate for their faith that they are unwilling to question it, even though people are constantly pointing out the errors and contradictions in their beliefs.
I found that those people chose to become religious not because the religion itself had succeeded in convincing them to believe in it, but because they desired to have a certain faith themselves, and it was only after they had made that decision that they went on to study a particular religion. These people’s knowledge of their own religion is either based on their upbringing or, as one friend put it, “I don’t know anything about the Islamic faith; Islam is too far away, so I haven’t thought about studying it. For me, I was more familiar with Christianity and it was more convenient, after all, most of the people around me were Christians. So what, when I decided to seek the Creator, I chose Christianity.”
Personally, I’ve never considered myself to be seeking a Creator as well, and even if I were to, I wouldn’t rely on any ancient texts, buildings, or individuals.
Some people do decide to believe in a certain faith at first, but as their knowledge and understanding of that faith grows, they may come to think differently. I, too, have decided to believe in things, and I believe that religion is nothing more than a false and delusional vision.
In fact, this notion was not based on any factual truth, it was purely a figment of my imagination for which I had no evidence at the time. When I study different religious texts, I do not have any bias, but my starting point is to look for errors in them, so that at least I can retain some objectivity.
I got my copy of the Quran for free, and at the time, I didn’t even stop to chat with the Muslim Students’ Union staff, I just casually asked if the Quran was free as I passed by their little table, and when I got an affirmative answer, I reached out and grabbed a copy of the Quran and then quickly left the place. In all honesty, I had no interest in those Muslim students, I just wanted to get a free copy of their classic and find out what was wrong with it.
However, as I continued to read, the cover of the Qur’an creased, and I myself became softer and softer, I even felt overcome. The Qur’an was so different from any religious text I had ever studied before that I was able to read it with ease, and the meaning of the Qur’anic verses was so clear and unambiguous.
To my complete surprise, when a friend once again complained to me about how angry the “God” of Islam was, I unconsciously went to the defense of Islam, and opened my copy of the Qur’an to a page and said to him: “Indeed, God is Forgiving, Merciful. ”
I felt that the Qur’an was murmuring to me and that it was reflecting my real life. It is true that the Qur’an is an “old” book, but somehow it remained relevant to my needs, and even the rhyming of the verses and the imagery of the metaphors gave me a feeling of intimacy, of sophistication and beauty that I had never known before, and I was thrilled by this classic.
The Qur’an gave me signs and taught me to think hard again, it is a book that rejects religious blindness, it encourages us to think wisely and rationally, it guides us to do good deeds, it guides us to recognize our Creator, and it teaches us to be self-disciplined, kind and humble.
After a while, my interest in the Islamic faith became stronger and I began to read more books on Islam. I found that the Qur’an mentioned many prophecies that complemented the Sunnah, and I found that the Qur’an explicitly corrected the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) on several occasions, which would not have happened if the Prophet had really been the “author” of this book.
Immediately thereafter, I embarked on a completely new path, a path that was guided by the miraculous Qur’an and inspired by the great Prophet.
You will never find any trace of lying in the Prophet, who prayed day and night, asking Allah’s forgiveness for his oppressing enemies, who taught people to do good deeds, who rejected all temptations of money and power, who led people to worship the One God, and who endured endless torture and pain.
Everything is so natural and so understandable. We are all God’s creations, and such a subtle and complex creation cannot be created out of nothing, so the idea I am trying to convey is simple: you and I just have to follow our Creator.
I still remember how the air was so heavy that night when I read the following Quranic verse:
“Do not the disbelievers know? The heavens and the earth were closed, and We opened the heavens and the earth, and We created all creatures from water. Do they not believe?” [Quran 21:30
When I read this, I couldn’t even think properly. Isn’t this what scientists call the “Big Bang” theory? In that moment, I realized that it was beyond the realm of the so-called “theory” and that the Qur’an says that everything originates from water, so isn’t this the latest discovery of scientists? I was shocked. It was one of the most exciting and frightening moments of my life.
I kept on studying and going to various sources. One night I was sitting quietly in the library of the Pratt Institute, staring intently at the stack of books in front of us, when suddenly I realized that what was in front of us was the truth, the truth that I had so vigorously denied.
What to do now?
I had only two choices at that moment, and one of them was that there was no choice. I could not deny nor ignore the truth I had discovered, and I could no longer live my life as I had before.
I knew I could only choose to accept what was in my heart because, if I chose not to accept it, I was rejecting the truth.